I vividly remember the night my name was called at Council. I would be the second first-year Leader of the season and rather than feeling any pride in that, I was full of anxiety. I was afraid that I would fail, though if you had asked me then, I would not have been able to describe what that failure could look like. Mostly, I was worried that I would disappoint everyone, but especially the staff members who thought I deserved this role.
Of course, things did not go the way I intended: it was one of the hottest days of the season, my Counselor of the Day vanished, and the kitchen staff had to push dinner back by an hour. But my day was also another camper’s birthday. She told me later that it was one of her favorite days of the season, something I could not believe. It was not until the following week’s Council, when our chef hugged me, that I realized I hadn’t failed some critical test. “You rolled with all the punches,” he said. “I know it wasn’t easy.”
The rest of my first-year continued exactly like this. I was the lead writer for the July Production. I was one of the editors of the newspaper during the week of Visitor’s Weekend, arguably the busiest week of the season. As there were only 40 campers in 2008, I ended up being one of the Leaders of the Week, a role usually held for second years. In all these leadership roles, things fell apart and plans had to change, sometimes so immediately I felt like my head was spinning. I had to learn to effectively problem solve, but I also had to learn how to appreciate the uncertainty of all things. Understanding this seemingly simple lesson meant developing an unshakeable sense of self-confidence: that thought there would be unforeseeable challenges, that I could handle any potential fall-out.
As a staff member for Camp and later for the Foundation, I talked to many prospective campers and their families. They often wanted to know why this program matters so much to me and why I was still involved years later. For me, Camp marked a turning point in developing my self-image. Until then, I never thought of myself as a leader. Certainly, I did not know any leaders who looked like me or even felt like me. I was soft-spoken, strangely introspective, and curious about my position in the world. Being at Camp meant being thrust into roles I did not think I deserved. I no longer feel that way. Instead of thinking “How can I do this?” I find myself reaffirming what others clearly saw in me, years before I saw it in myself: “I can do this.” I learned that my leadership style, defined by a deep sense of responsibility and love, has a place in the world and that my choices, planned or improvised, are worth making.”